Thoughts from RevJ: CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Saturday, February 4, 2012

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

The worse thing to have is negative conflict at home, your safe haven. My roommate and I have lived together for more than 10 years due to divorce and personal hardships. We had a pact – no children. Well, in December 4 granddaughters out of her 12 grandchildren have come to live with us. I don’t remember being this loud and fussy. Teenage girls are something to reckon with when you are approaching middle age. Every one was stressed out. I did not want to come home after work. We decided to separate. However, we were both stressed looking for separate apartments and preparing to move. That was one option. However, in this economy it takes 2 or 3 salaries to survive with basic needs let alone luxuries. I decided to try and talk it out calmly with my friend and roommate. We listened to each other. She apologized for the inconveniences. We decided not to move. We set rules and there was no yelling. This was the beginning of us using nonviolent communication skills on purpose.

1 comment:

BekiFebruary 5, 2012 at 12:29 PM
Oh my gosh - I can definitely understand where you're coming from. Although I haven't been living with my roommate for quite that long, it has been about eight years, counting college. Sometimes roommate disputes can be the toughest because you have to choose your words ever so carefully because of the implication it can have on the rest of your life! I am so glad that you were able to nonviolently (somewhat) resolve your conflict. I hope, though, that the children may soon be able to move back with their families so that you and your roommate can get back to your orignal agreement. Meanwhile, you are positively helping everyone out by compromising, and I'm sure they're overly thankful for that (even if they don't show it...)

Best of luck!
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RELATIONSHIP REFLECTION

John Donne (1572-1631) said '...no man is an island...'. Human beings require relationships as we matriculate through life. However significant to us, we need other beings. Even if one went out and lived from the elements around no other humans, that individual would need some other beings to live. Further more, we are born because people came together and when we pass on someone will handle our remains and effects. Relationships of every kind (family, social, professional, religious, romantic) require efforts and maintence from the parties involved.

Some Personal Relationships

I live in a (penthouse type) apartment with a friend of mine I became acquainted with at church. After a painful divorce and left with large mortgage payments, I asked this 'nice' lady from church if she wanted a roommate. She had gone on a weekend trip and while gone her apartment was broken into and everything taken or destroyed (even her clothes). When I sold the house, we continued to be roommates. It has been 11 years now. Although we spend our social time with a seperate group of friends, we are still very close. This relationship has grown as we continue to help each other in any way we can. Denise would give me the shirt off of her back if asked. I would have to think about it if the tables were turned. :-D

I have a best friend named Tonya. She knows me better than my own blood sisters and brothers. We became very close friends after she lost her newborn son as she and her husband held him together. Because of our friendship many have tried to explain it by giving us nicknames such as, Mary and Martha, Paul and Silas, Jonathon and David. The one that stuck is Salt and Pepper. Someone said we bring spice to every situation. Guess who is salt. We minister together. We cry together. We travel together. I have sat in the hospital as she battled illness. She has verbally fought for me. We council each other. We pray for each other. We even feel when the other one is upset or sick. Our friendship is very rare. One author called a friendship like ours, soul-friends. Because of our friendship, we both have grown as a result of our friendship spiritually, emotionally, and cognitively. We even have clothes alike that we bought without the presence of each other. I couldn't make this up.

Both of these relationships are important to me and can be challenging at times. As a friend to both, sometimes I must overlook my thoughts or feelings on an idea or event in order to make the other comfortable or happy. For instance, at our national church conventions I want to talk to everyone I can on the first day. Tonya feels she has all week to see people so she goes to the room while we are on a recess. Every year we fight over which we are doing, meeting and greeting or going to the room. I recently learned that something from her childhood was the reason she didn't like meeting and greeting. I wouldn't have known this without communicating or observing my friend.

Denise and I are partners financially because we split the bills or take responsibilty of certain bills. This must be done through collaboration. Tonya and I are partners financially, spiritually, and professionally. Since becoming friends we have incorporated 2 nonprofit companies, started a women's annual conference, become Bible college professors and board members, as well as an international ministering team.

Learning to compromise in order to accomplish tasks with my friends has given me experience when working with my customers as an administrater of a day care. However, the knowledge I have aquired through these relationships will also give me experience as an EC professional working with children and their parents. As with the friendships when I had to disgard my desires in order to help them, I have the understanding that I must understand that my desires are not always the best as I collaborate with others.